Giving and Receiving Feedback
- From the start, make feedback an integral part of the mentoring relationship.
- Feedback should be “two‐way,” with both mentor and mentee assessing their relationship at defined times.
- Be clear that you ARE giving feedback.
- Use specific, non‐judgmental, descriptive language.
- Avoid using the passive voice.
- Include data that are concrete, observed directly, consistent, and thematic; if possible, provide more than one person’s input (de‐identified) and more than one observation.
- Ask clear questions to understand the mentee’s experience, assessment of the situation, and point of view
- Provide feedback regularly and frequently.
- Feedback, both positive and negative, should be a regularly scheduled component of the mentoring relationship (i.e., the rule, not the exception).
- Ongoing feedback helps to establish and solidify the relationship.
- Situational feedback (positive and negative) should be provided as soon after the relevant interaction as possible.
- Maintain a strong level of trust with the mentee in the face of negative feedback.
- Mentors should use the feedback opportunity to ally with the mentee about ways to improve the situation:
- “I need your help to better understand this situation.”
- “What can you do to change the behavior, perception ….?”
- Ensure common understanding by summarizing, and/or asking the mentee to summarize, the key points of the discussion.
- Follow through on the feedback; offer “options” for career paths and guidance that might be suitable.
Problematic Mentoring Relationships: Having a Difficult Conversation
- Transparency on both sides is important.
- A mentor need not feel like a failure if her mentee is not successful.
- Early intervention is important in order to redirect the relationship if it starts to go sour.
- A mentee should be involved in problem solving, particularly if he has contributed to the problem
- If a mentee is unsuccessful, a mentor should redirect him towards something else he or she can succeed at.
- Discuss recommendations for improving the relationship and re‐assess progress at defined times.
- A person outside the relationship may be needed to help when conflicts occur
- A division chief or department chair may be helpful, but mentors and/or mentees may not feel comfortable using them as resources.
- It is important to have more impartial resources available, such as an ombudsperson, or representative from a professionalism office, faculty development office, or an Employee Assistance Program if available.
What are the warning signs or symptoms of a problematic mentoring relationship?
- Needs are unmet
- Cost greater than benefit
- Feelings of distress or harm
- Frustration
- Diminishing expectations
- Lack of assimilating to the culture
- Repeated misunderstandings
- Lack of progress on projects
- Missed deadlines
- Repeatedly cancelled meetings/unprepared at meetings
What are the costs of this type of relationship? (i.e. Why should we resolve this?)
- Opportunities lost (project/fellowship/grant/etc. could have gone to someone else)
- Reputation of program (national, but also with agencies that offer grants)
- Employment (current and future)
- Clinical, research, and education costs
What are the diagnoses or issues that could be causing the problems?
- Poor matching
- Faulty communication
- In-congruent expectations
- Role conflicts/Multiple roles
- Exploitation/Neglect
- Incompetence
- Personality Disorder
What are the solutions and traits to make a good mentor/mentee relationship?
- Selection of the mentor:
- Consider intentional versus incidental (e.g., inherent biases? Gender, race, age, religion?)
- Consider career vs. job oriented mentors
- Commitment to role (Mentor or Mentee)
- Compatible temperament and style
- Consider Relevance of Hierarchy
- Relationship structure:
- Clear expectations
- Protected meeting times
- Periodic reevaluations
- Increased independence
- Designate an expiration date
- Dependability:
- Adhere and prioritize mentoring
- Avoid “inspiration only”
- Provide reasonable turn-around time
- Transparency:
- Protect and sponsor publicly
- Self-disclose when needed; show confidentiality
- Show “how” in view of the mentee
- Provide correction and bring up the “elephant”
